Cheat Day Newsletter 🔥
Get ready to indulge in all things food news...
Where white suburban moms go grocery shopping
Last week, Trader Joe's announced that they would be changing racist food labels, but this week they're saying nvm. Just like when suburban white moms say they're not going to be racist anymore but then over annunciate their words when ordering at Taco Bell... Anyway, the company first decided to ditch some of their racist labels after a petition to cancel them circulated. But after further "evaluation," TJ's is saying, "Recently we have heard from many customers reaffirming that these name variations are largely viewed in exactly the way they were intended- as an attempt to have fun with our product marketing." So we decided to play a fun game called 'Guess What Ethnic Food Group Trader Joe's Is Stereotyping With Its Racist Name!' Here we go: Trader Ming's, Arabian Joe's, Armenian Joe's, Trader José, Trader Giotto's, Trader Joe San's.
When your argument for not wearing a mask is because you can't eat
Now what bitch? ASICS, the brand behind your dad's shoes, is launching a face mask built for runners, but that's not why we're here. Although the mask enhances breathability, comfort, and performance, it also lets runners drink water through it while running. And you know what that means?! It means it will also be compatible with margaritas.
Eat a bag of dicks
Brb, shipping a bag of (gummy) dicks to my ex.
Pop(corn) Culture
On the rocks
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson shocks the internet with his unusual French toast toppings. In one of his latest cheat meals posted to Insta, the star reveals that he adds tequila to his syrup, taking boozy brunch to a whole other level. And not just any tequila, his own brand of tequila, Teremana. If we had our own tequila brand, we would also be adding it to every meal and putting it in the background of every Insta pic. No shame in his tequila game.
My weaknesses have always been food and men- in that order
This Dolly Parton-inspired rooftop bar and restaurant in Nashville is to die for, and we don't even care that we have to risk getting COVID-19 to dine there. White Limozeen, the restaurant named after one of Patron's hit songs, sits atop the Graduate Hotel and looks like a bachelorette party threw up all over it. With the vibe being ~classy meets trashy,~ guests can indulge in chicken liver pie, biscuits with caviar, mussels steamed in Nashville hot butter, and a white bread burger, while getting wasted off frozen Aperol spritz and champagne Jello shots. Check out the full menu here.
The Miami Eat
Budweiser is dipping their toes in the non-alcoholic pond with the launch of Bud Zero. The drink is only 50 calories, contains 0g of sugar, and has an ABV of 0.0% (where as most NA's are around 0.5%). Anheuser-Busch InBev also teamed up with ex-NBA player Dwayne Wade who helped design the can and perfect its taste... don't worry, it still tastes like piss water. Wade said, "You don't always want to walk away being hungover or with a buzz. I loved the idea of being part of the conversation without having to drink alcohol." And if I didn't already have something in common with Wade (my killer free-throws), now I do with the fact that we're always the DD.
Fast Food Frenzy
Salty and sweet
Dunkin' (still salty they dropped 'Donuts' from their name) is closing more than 800 stores, and we're just gonna state the obvious here and say if they didn't drop 'Donuts' from there name they wouldn't have this problem. So 8% of the restaurants are leaving, meaning America will now only be running on 92% of Dunkin' (still salty they dropped 'Donuts' from their name). Most of the stores closing will be the ones located in Speedways and that's not shocking since Kwik Trip is superior. In better Dunkin' (still salty they dropped 'Donuts' from their name) news... they're coming out with two cereal flavors that will hit the shelves this month. Post Cereals transformed Dunkin's (still salty they dropped 'Donuts' from their name) caramel macchiato and mocha latte into cereal puffs, making your breakfast even more diabetic-y.
One shell of a lobster
A Red Lobster employee saw a blue lobster in the tank and decided not to feed it to customers, earning himself the chain's employee service award, the Blue Lobster Award. The discovery of a blue lobster is super rare (only one in 2 million), so instead of feasting on this delicacy, the staff handed over Clawde to Akron Zoo. We bet this is the most interesting thing that's ever gone down in Cuyahoga Falls.
Bucket Red No. 11
KFC launches a limited-edition lipstick that tastes like hot wings, and we need to get this on our lips ASAP. It's made from a blend of Hot Wings and chili oils while giving full coverage and it sounds like I've just found my perfect shade of red. If this wasn't already amazing, KFC claims the lipstick won't smudge and you can even eat wings while wearing it and as a girl who likes to eat while looking fab, this is a dream come true. We also have to assume that the hot wing flavor will act like a lip plumper as well and we wonder if it will be better than Too Faced? The only way to get the tube of lipstick is to register for KFC's Colonel Club and enter a drawing by August 11th.
